...been reading this book for the last week, and it's very... hilarious. well the seamen (characters) on board are, the shit they say make me out a quiet ride to grandmas house.

MARCH 9th, 1994

"the most beautiful woman in town" <- link

-The night kept coming and there was nothing i could do.

Hank died 18 years ago today, what a gift he was, if you are not familiar look him up, here are few of my favorite gifts he gave the world:

“you boys can keep your virgins
give me hot old women in high heels
with asses that forgot to get old. ”
― Charles Bukowski, Love is a Dog from Hell

“If you're losing your soul and you know it, then you've still got a soul left to lose” ― Charles Bukowski“

there are worse things
than being alone
but it often takes
decades to realize this
and most often when you do
it's too late
and there's nothing worse
than too late”
― Charles Bukowski

“We're all going to die, all of us, what a circus! That alone should make us love each other but it doesn't. We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities, we are eaten up by nothing.”
― Charles Bukowski

“Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.”
― Charles Bukowski

“there is a loneliness in this world so great
that you can see it in the slow movement of
the hands of a clock.

people so tired
mutilated
either by love or no love.

people just are not good to each other
one on one.

the rich are not good to the rich
the poor are not good to the poor.

we are afraid.

our educational system tells us
that we can all be
big-ass winners.

it hasn't told us
about the gutters
or the suicides.

or the terror of one person
aching in one place
alone

untouched
unspoken to

watering a plant.”
― Charles Bukowski, Love is a Dog from Hell

" i must be without remorse or regrets as i am without excuse; for from the instant of my upsurge into being, i carry the weight of the world by myself alone without anything or any person being able to lighten it."

-jean-paul sartre

i am a sick man...i am a spiteful man. an unattractive man. i think my liver hurts. but actually, i don't know a damn thing about my illness. i am not even sure what it is that hurts. i am not in treatment and never have been, although i respect both medicine and doctors. besides, i am superstitious in the extreme; well, at least to the extent of respecting medicine. (iam sufficiently educated not to be superstitious, but i am.) no, sir, i refuse to see a doctor simply out of spite. now, that is something that you probably will fail to understand. well, i understand
it. naturally, i will not be able to explain to you precisely whom i will injure in this instance by my spite. i know perfectly well that i am certainly not giving the doctors a "dirty deal" by not seeking treatment. i know better than anyone that i will only harm myself by this, and no one else, and yet, if i don't seek a cure, it is out of spite. my liver hurts? good, let it hurt still more!

I sit here

drunk now.

I am

a series of

small victories

and large defeats

and I am as

amazed

as any other

that

I have gotten

from there to

here

without committing murder

or being

murdered;

without

having ended up in the

madhouse.

as I drink alone

again tonight

my soul despite all the past

agony

thanks all the gods

who were not

there

for me

then.